Recovery
by LacusFan
Summary: Post Destiny. SPOILERS and guesses. Luna helps Shinn recover from the war. [Oneshot] Updated: spelling, grammar, and added notes.


**Disclaimer: Kidou Senshi (Mobile Suit) Gundam SEED and its characters are copyright 2000-2004 Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, and MBS. English language adaptation produced under license by Bandai Entertainment.**

**In other words, I don't own the original intellectual property.**

This will be sort of a 'what if it ended this way' kind of fic. I haven't really watched any of Destiny, though a good friend has kept me informed of the major events and plot lines. I understand that it's quite a bit like Zeta, so in that spirit I'm doing a Zeta-style take on everything. This is my interpretation of Shinn and Luna after a Zeta-style ending to Destiny.

It's sad to think that the probability of both Hawke sisters surviving Destiny is quite low, but such makes for reasonably good anime. I've been thinking of this kind of fic since I started writing these things and finally got around to it yesterday. Being the obsessive person that I am, I even finished it in a single evening.

My short work on _Too Many Women _was just too good of an experience. That's probably the main reason why I decided to let this be from Luna's POV. If you've seen Zeta, you could easily substitute Camille and Fa for Shinn and Luna, respectively.

Oh, yeah: Destiny spoilers below.

I know I've made up a lot, but some of it I'm assured did happen. And since I could have successfully predicted everything that happened in the first half of SEED in my sleep, my guesses on Destiny may turn out to be right on the money. I'll find out when mahq posts the rest of the episode summaries.

And a WARNING to all Athrun/Cagalli fans out there.

**End A/N**

* * *

Forward

These are my memoirs. It may be unusual for a lowly female pilot to write such things, but I feel that this story deserves to be told. And I guess I am acquainted with the best pilots to serve in both Bloody Valentine Wars, so perhaps that adds some merit to my narrative. As I write this, I still feel every bit of the pain that I endured back then. Even knowing how everything turns out doesn't shake the fact that this was a time of hell for me. I hope that they may be of interest and help to those who come after me. May your wounds heal in time, just as ours have.

Best wishes,  
Lunamaria.

* * *

It was finally over. But in a way it was also just beginning, for me and for many others I'm sure. It's always hard to pick up the pieces of what's left and try and rebuild. Such is what fate gives us to deal with. My mother used to say things like that. My little sister, too. Poor Meyrin.

It took months to find out whatever happened to her. I could have sworn she had died like so many others. Though it sounds awfully wrong and cruel of me to say, I didn't really miss her over that time. I rarely had time to think of her. Perhaps it was best that way. If I had, the sting of her apparent betrayal might have festered into more permanent ill feelings toward her. This way was best.

She had come to visit my small home in the PLANTs. It was an out of the way colony. One that didn't have a lot of people or traffic. Visitors were rare. Visitors to my home, non existent before she came. Without a word, I lead her to my post. Here I often kept a watchful vigil.

"How is he?" That's what Meyrin asked me. Not 'How are you' or 'Thank God you're alive.'

"No change. He's been like this since Rey died." I remember it like it was just yesterday. I'll bet all veterans say that about the most pivotal or traumatic moments they witnessed during their fighting days.

A final decisive battle had to be fought sometime. Shinn, Rey, and I were all ordered to keep the Archangel from interfering. I knew it was wrong. So did Captain Gladys. Shinn always had doubts, but Rey could talk anyone into anything. Eventually the Captain and I joined forces with the Clyne Faction mid battle, much as several prominent ZAFT soldiers had done in the final hours of the First Bloody Valentine War.

Shinn fought desperately with Athrun, each one jockeying for any minute advantage to exploit over the other. I tried to stop them but to no avail. Only after Rey attacked me did Shinn finally come to his senses. I'd like to think that it was out of a love for me, but perhaps it was just Shinn finally coming to grips with how Rey and Chairman Dullindal had been using us all.

All I had ever wanted was to be loved. Perhaps he really did. Too bad I couldn't ask him about it.

"I'm so sorry, Luna." My little sister gave me a tight hug. She hadn't done that since we were little.

"At least he's alive. I believe he'll be fine one day." That's all I had to hope for. Shinn just lay there these days. He used to babble incoherently after killing Rey. Then he would wander around aimlessly, still unable to communicate with me or the nurses. Three months of steady decline in the hospital until he was just like this. There was nothing they could do for him except to say 'Give him time,' so we left. Now it was just me taking care of him at home. "It's time for our walk. Care to join us?"

Meyrin responded affirmatively.

I was getting rather strong for a woman of my stature. Perhaps it was from getting him into and out of bed. "Can you scoot over his wheelchair for me? Thanks."

He couldn't walk anymore. Couldn't speak either. I had to spoon feed him, bathe him, help him in the bathroom. Everything.

"What do you think did this?" Meyrin's question was something I often thought about.

"I'm not really sure. I think it had something to do with the experimental systems in the cockpits of the Legend and Destiny suits. Mental feedback overload, maybe," I conjectured. There was really no way to tell. There was very little left of Rey's suit and Shinn's control systems were damaged beyond repair. It was all highly classified anyway, so it's not like I had any way of finding out what really happened.

"It's a shame. I always thought that you two would make a good couple."

I found Meyrin's comment quite funny.

"It's good to hear you laugh," she sighed. "I've really missed you."

"Thanks."

Meyrin opened the doors while I maneuvered my patient out of the house and down the sidewalk to our neighborhood park.

After a few moments of sitting on a park bench in silence, I started up the conversation again. "I found it funny because in a way, we are."

"Hmm?" Meyrin must have forgotten the comment already.

"About us being a couple. We share the same home, I cook and clean for him. After another year or so, the PLANTs will probably recognize it as a common law marriage." Though the subject was sad, it didn't bother me enough to prevent me from smiling. "And when he snaps out of this, I'll be the perfect housewife; barefoot and pregnant."

It was my little sister's turn to laugh now. "I always thought you were too headstrong and independent for that kind of life."

"I've changed." I could feel my smile fading. "But this is what I want. I'll stay with him."

"Now that's just like you. You know what you want to do and by God you're going to do it. You always were that way. Mom used to have a fit, too," Meyrin chuckled.

"Yes. I was too determined for my own good," I admitted. "Tell me something. How's Athrun doing?"

I had wondered about that from time to time. He was the only other man in my life. Well, perhaps it would be more accurate for me to say that he was the only other man that I _wanted_ in my life. Athrun never really showed any interest.

"Athrun is well. He asked that I say hello. He didn't want to come for fear of having a fight with Shinn. None of us knew he was like this. Word doesn't often reach Orb of the happenings in the PLANTs."

"I didn't really have a way to contact you. No time either. Even if it were otherwise, I'm not sure what I could really say. 'The guy I think is my boyfriend is now a vegetable' sounds kind of lame."

"You do have a point," Meyrin admitted. "Still, I wish you would come see us. I've got a ticket back to Earth in a few days. I could see about getting two extra seats on the transport if you'd like."

"I'll think about it." Maybe travel would do us good. Perhaps Meyrin was thinking the same thing. "Any other news?"

"Plenty. Lacus Clyne - the real one, not Dullindal's puppet - settled down with Athrun's friend and there's talk of them expecting a child soon. Probably just a rumor. Not the wedding thing, because I was actually there for that."

Meyrin tactfully left out the groom's name, but I knew it already. Kira Yamato, the man who killed Shinn's real love interest during the war. I could handle being second to her memory, though. "Go on," I prodded her.

"The Archangel's captain hooked up with a cute blond guy and they really are expecting a child. Mu and Murrue are their names. And Athrun is on the outs with Lady Athha. Those two can really fight when they've got a mind to. Athrun and I have gone out a few times, though I wonder how much of it is him trying to make her jealous. Still, he's mine for the moment." Of course, little sister couldn't help but gloat. She had beaten me, Cagalli, and even the fake Lacus for Athrun's affections. For the moment, at least.

That was okay with me. I've got what I want for now.

"I have no illusions about it, though. He'll always have a special place in his heart for her. Athrun always did, I think. Either that or he's completely oblivious when it comes to women. I mean, we almost had a tag team thing going on to win him over to one of us, but it's like he wasn't even paying attention." Meyrin shook her head. For once, I wholeheartedly agreed with her sentiments.

"Enjoy him while you can," I laughed.

"Yeah, he'll probably get back together with her soon, though he swears up and down that he won't. So, you and Shinn are . . ." Meyrin just left it hanging for me to fill it in for her.

"We became close after you and Athrun left the ship. Despite all hell breaking loose, we still found some comfort in each other."

"I see," she giggled. "I bet you two found all the nice make out spots on the Minerva."

"No, just a few." My eyes wandered over to Shinn. He was lazily watching the birds fly from tree to tree.

"Luna . . ." Meyrin probably didn't know how to finish that sentence, so she just left my name to waft through the air on its own.

"His mind is still very much active," I informed her. "And he could move about if he tried. There's just something inside that's tormenting him to the point where he doesn't have the will to try."

"I see."

"I wonder if he's thinking of me in there." Shinn's eyes often watched mine. That's what they were doing now.

"How do you know that he can move and stuff if he doesn't?" Meyrin hadn't seen him move anything more than his neck and eyes. But I was with him every minute of every day. I knew.

"He may look like a quadriplegic, but he's not. He often thrashes about in his sleep. Or rather, he does if I'm not there to hold him."

"You sleep in the same bed?" She must have been a little shocked that the quiet sister would do something so daring.

But it's not like Shinn could take advantage of that. Not yet, anyway. "I didn't want him to hurt himself, so I would just hug his arms to his side. That does more than anything to calm his nightmares."

"Are you sure you can handle this alone?" Meyrin reached out to pull my chin around to face her. "Come with me and we'll all help out."

"No, if I go I don't want anyone else to help. I can handle it. It's been just us two for six months and each day gets a little better than the last. I don't want to upset him by having someone new interfering."

Then she asked a question I always dreaded. Perhaps that was another reason I didn't want to catch up with old friends and comrades. "What if he doesn't get better?"

"Things will continue much as they are now. Then we'll grow old and die." At least she didn't ask the other question. I couldn't handle that. It was so terrifying that I cry every time I think of it. _What if he doesn't want to be with you when he wakes up?_

Then I'd just have to die young.

"Luna, honey it's okay. Don't cry." Meyrin put an arm around me. "I'm sorry I brought it up. If you think he's getting better, then I'm sure he is."

But you were mistaken, Meyrin. That wasn't why I was crying at all.

* * *

It was a nice little family reunion. One thing I always wondered about as a child was how my future husband and I would have disagreements over in-laws. But poor Shinn couldn't complain about it. I guess I should have been a little thankful for that. Still, there were times when I prayed that he'd say just a single word for me.

Meyrin visited for four days and three nights, the length of her stay. She slept in my bed; or rather, the bed I have neglected to sleep in for the past six months despite the fact that it has my favorite set of sheets on it. It only took her a day and a half to convince me to take that trip to Earth. Meyrin was even kind enough to call the utility companies and have things shut off while I would be away for a month. Not that our pensions wouldn't have been enough to pay the bills, but there's just something we Hawke girls don't like about paying for services we don't use.

The shuttle ride was quite nice. It was an express, so the trip only took three days. It was just how I pictured it would be. Shinn sat at my left side alternating between looking at me and looking at the stars out the window. On my right was Meyrin chatting up a storm. Apparently she really was full of news. So full in fact that there was no hope of me retaining it all. I'd just have to see things for myself when we got our feet back on solid ground.

"See, I told you Shinn would like a window seat," Meyrin informed me for the third time.

"Yes," I adjusted his blanket and pillow. It was as if no one but me could measure his moods and silent requests. But then again, maybe it was all my imagination.

The first day and a half of the voyage was spent accelerating. The following twenty-four hours in decelerating. Then orbit and reentry. Seeing the orange glow form around the ship's extremities brought back so many memories. I only got a brief glimpse of it before the windows were covered with heat shields.

Shinn began to tremble. It must have brought back memories for him as well. Instinctively, I put an arm around him for protection. He needed it.

On the ground I got quite a surprise. Athrun Zala was waiting for us at the space port. He helped me with my luggage, though he naturally wanted to be a little more helpful to my sister. "It's good to see you again, Athrun."

"You as well," he gave me a quick hug. "I didn't know about Shinn. I'm sorry."

"War creates a lot of wounds, inside and out. All we can hope for is that they'll heal with time and care." It seemed my words touched him. He knew something of emotional wounds as well.

"I guess that's so. I took the liberty of getting you two a private room at a nice hotel in Onogoro. If there's anything we can do, just let us know. We're all willing to help out." Athrun's offer was generous, but ultimately futile. With the exception of Meyrin and Athrun, I knew absolutely no one in Orb.

"If you don't mind, I would like someone to show us the sights when we go out for our walks." Athrun agreed to be the one, as he had lived here employed as Cagalli's bodyguard for a couple of years.

"I'll hail us a cab while you two catch up," Meyrin kissed Athrun's cheek before leaving the spaceport lobby on her mission.

"Before you ask, I have no news to give you." My preliminary remark didn't put Athrun off any. It just drew out a sad smile.

"You've been with him the whole time, I know."

"Before she comes back, I have to ask what you're doing with my sister." I took hold of his forearm for emphasis, "She may be one of those happy bubbly personalities, but she's also very fragile underneath. If you can't treat her well or intend to run back to your princess, I suggest you break it off before you break her heart."

Athrun didn't take my protective-big-sister-speech personally. "It's not like that at all. We're just going out casually and with no thought of the future. Sometimes that's all that dating should be about. It's more fun for everybody that way. And if or when we do develop stronger feelings for each other, then we'll think about the future and the consequences of our decisions."

"Alright," I sighed. "Just doing my duty as the eldest Hawke sister."

"I understand. She's a good friend. I hope that no matter how things turn out between us we'll still be that."

"I'm sure she'd like that." Meyrin always struck me as that kind of girl and who should know her better than her only living relative? "Just promise to be careful."

"I will."

We had to cut the conversation short as Meyrin was returning. "Mission accomplished," she grinned. "One cab to Onogoro."

* * *

The name of our hotel was _The Mark_. It was apparently named for its distinctive logo. I found it terribly odd that the unidentifiable blue mark that was on everything should have inspired the naming of a resort hotel, but who was I to question it? Maybe a hotel tycoon sneezed while painting something blue and got the odd mark as the result.

In any case, it was much more nice than Athrun had led us Hawke sisters to believe. After helping me get settled in, Athrun escorted Meyrin home. We all needed a bit of rest after being confined to a sixteen cubic foot space for three days aboard that shuttle.

It was just barely getting dark in the summer evening. I bet there would have been a great breeze coming into the city off the ocean. I promised myself to find out firsthand tomorrow. Again, I was tired and stiff. I thought it best to get to bed early tonight.

I'd be lying if I didn't say I enjoyed some parts of taking care of Shinn. Dressing him was probably the highlight I'd most like to remember. And of course it wouldn't be fair if I was the only one to get a peep show out of it. I used to dress in front of him in hopes of sparking some reaction. Even when it became clear that it was no soap, I still did it. Maybe out of guilt for seeing him disrobed every single day.

I think maybe he did enjoy it on whatever level he could. At least, that was always my sincerest hope. All the time I'd known him he had been an ass, but there was a very hurt and sensitive guy underneath that. I really cared for him and wanted to do what I could. It could have been my imagination again, but I'd like to think there was a mischievous glint in his eye whenever I was in the buff.

Once I successfully changed into my night gown, it was time for Shinn. His leg muscles often helped me out in getting him from the bed to the wheelchair, and vice versa. All I ever had to do entirely by myself was sit him up when he was laying flat. With him sitting on the edge of the bed I took care of his pajamas. Luckily I remembered it would be warmer here than in the PLANTs, so I packed his light cotton ones instead of the regular flannel. I suppose I could have just cranked up the air conditioning, but then I didn't want to make him uncomfortable by being too hot beneath the sheets while breathing in cold air.

"Ready for bed or do you want to watch some TV?" I usually asked that, though I never really knew why. Setting him up on some pillows, I slid into bed next to him and watched some old movie with my head resting on his chest. "I love you Shinn. Even if things stay like this, I won't leave. That's a promise."

* * *

Morning. Breakfast was good. We were greeted by Athrun and Meyrin promptly at 9 am.

"I think I know of something that Shinn might like to see," Athrun said.

"Sure," was my response. We walked a good distance through the city. The pace was nice and leisurely and we all took turns pushing Shinn's wheelchair.

Eventually we came to the sea side. It was every bit as breathtaking as I had imagined it the night before, only in the heat of the day the breeze was blowing from off the land rather than the ocean. There was no beach, only rocky cliffs that dropped straight into the ocean. Athrun allowed us to pause a moment to look over the rails at the view.

"It is a nice view," Athrun stated. "I'll never forget the first time I was here. I had come to kill my best friend."

Needless to say, I was a bit shocked by such a revelation. As was Meyrin. Shinn had no reaction.

"Surprised to hear that? It surprises me too in that it almost happened," Athrun sighed. "Kira is a really great guy, but he sided with the Earth Forces to protect some Heliopolis refugees. We had a big fight over an island a hundred miles or so northeast of here. It was a lot like the time the Freedom took me out in the Savior only the other way around. I thought for sure he was dead. He might have thought the same thing about me. I was never really sure. Luckily we both came to our senses in time to stop the war together."

It wasn't a particularly touching story. Maybe if there was more of a human element to it. More angst and romance would have certainly held my attention better.

"Anyway, it was right over there," Athrun pointed to a gate up the street. The place looked like a military complex. "That's the Morgenroete facility where I had thought they hid the Archangel before the Battle of Orb in the First Bloody Valentine War. Kira was on one side of the fence, me and my teammates on the other."

I just had to ask, "Is this what you wanted us to see?"

"In a way, yes." Athrun pointed. "That's a friend of mine up there."

A shiny new mobile suit exited one of the hangars and lifted off. It looked like a new variable mode fighter. Probably a second generation of the Murasame. It's verniers fired lifting it several hundred feet into the air. It's maneuverability was rather amazing. What was even more impressive was the way it moved in fighter mode.

"It is nice," I commented.

"Nice? I helped design that thing!" Athrun seemed more than a little hurt by my dismissive comment.

"Well, no offense but I'd rather not think about mobile suits and wars anymore than I have to."

"That's understandable. Sorry. I didn't mean to stir up hard memories. I just remember how Shinn liked to see new suits so I thought this might be a good stop before lunch." Athrun really was trying to help.

And in a way, he did.

"Shinn?" He had stood upon his own volition. And he was walking. I flew to his side for support, just in case his motor skills couldn't quite get him where he needed to go.

"I didn't know he could just get up like that," Meyrin whispered.

"He hasn't in a very long time," I informed them.

Shinn really did want a closer look. He walked right up to the gate and wrapped his fingers around the bars.

"I don't suppose we could get in," I threw out.

"It could take some doing, but I'll try it if you'd like." Good old Athrun. He really was eager to help out.

* * *

The four of us spent the day together. Lunch was fabulous. Athrun's treat, by the way. And of course, our afternoon in the park was interrupted by a call from Lady Athha.

Athrun walked a good distance away from our position, but not far enough for me to miss that the conversation wasn't entirely a pleasant one. At least, it wasn't pleasant for me to witness. I didn't bother to ask Athrun how he felt about it.

"This sort of thing happen often when you two go out?" I couldn't help but ask.

"No, but he's trying to get a favor from her. She's the quickest way to get you and Shinn cleared to go into Morgenroete," Meyrin explained.

"Poor guy. Wonder what they're shouting about." It didn't matter, really. Cagalli seemed like a good enough girl from what little I saw of her on that one trip she and Athrun took on the Minerva. Still, it wasn't hard to picture her as a spoiled brat. It was even easier to imagine a nineteen-year-old girl cracking from the pressure of trying to run a country during not one but two genocidal wars. Throw in a painful breakup and you get such verbal tongue lashings as the one I was now witnessing.

"I'm sure I don't want to know," Meyrin curled up and hugged her knees.

"Afraid he'll run back to her, huh?"

She didn't respond.

"Look little sis, it's okay. You used to talk to me about everything. I'm sure I'm big enough to take whatever you got." At least, I thought I was.

"You tell me a secret and I'll tell you one of mine." Meyrin wore a rather uncharacteristic smirk.

"I remember playing this game. Alright, here goes." I took a deep breath before whispering real fast, "I used to try and make out with Shinn to snap him out of this."

"Oh my God. You didn't," I watched as her jaw dropped. Seeing my candor, she exclaimed, "You did!"

"Yes. Despite his state, his parts are all fully functional. I know it was wrong of me, but still there were a few moments of weakness here and there." I'm sure all the available blood in my body rushed to my face as turned extremely warm. To this day, I still wonder why I didn't pass out.

"Okay, that was a bigger secret than mine. Cagalli was Athrun's first real love and she felt the same way. I think they lost their virginity together." Meryin let her feet down to kick at the grass under our designated park bench.

"Have you and Athrun . . ?"

"No," she was flat. "Though we've made out a few times."

I turned to look at the continued pleasantries being exchanged between Athrun and his ex. "So, they've screwed each other in more ways than one. They both want to get back together, but he's too proud and she's too stubborn."

"Something like that."

"Think they'll come out of this friends?" What I really thought of it was that they'd come out of this the most unhappy married couple in all of Orb. The Lady and the Prince, Cagalli and Athrun. They seemed perfectly miserable apart, but I just bet they'd have their own special kind misery together.

"They're still friends, I think. At least the strain on his friendship with Kira has been minimal. Kira's her twin brother, by the way."

"I did not know that," I blinked a few times. I'm sure Shinn would have been rather interested to know that his two least favorite people in the world were siblings.

"They're really great. I've got to spend a good bit of time with them. Please try to keep Shinn under control when he comes to. I want you guys to be able to hang out with us and do things." Meyrin hung her head. "It'll be hard after all we've been through."

"Yeah. The only truths in war are that there are good people on both sides and that both sides are ultimately wrong about something." I understood, but I didn't know about Shinn. I really didn't know what he'd do about anything. That is, if he ever did anything again.

It seemed that Athrun was getting a terrible headache from his phone conversation.

* * *

As I lay in bed with Shinn that several evenings later, I had plenty of time for thinking. I was beginning to develop a bit of a theory. Well, more than one. Let's start with the most promising one first.

Meyrin always had the hots for Athrun. That wasn't a theory, it was a fact set in stone. The theory part comes in next. Athrun kind of had a thing for Meyrin from at least the time they defected from ZAFT together. But, Athrun also had it bad for Cagalli; likely just as bad as she had it for him. Athrun and Cagalli had some serious problems, so the only way to make anyone happy would be for Athrun to hook up with my sister. Then Meyrin would have her wildest fantasies come true and Athrun and Cagalli could remain miserable. Everybody wins, right?

So much for the first theory.

The second involved something else about Athrun. Shinn always had a sliver of respect for him, and not without good reason. In the Academy, he was everybody's hero along with Yzak Joule and Dearka Elsman. But once Shinn got the chance actually meet Athrun, it was all down hill. I'm not sure that Shinn had anything specific against him other than maybe a basic philosophical difference of opinion on the war. Athrun was idealistic, Shinn pragmatic. But for some strange reason, whenever Athrun hung out for a few hours with Shinn these days he wound up with a crippling headache.

At first, I thought it was just those polite conversations with Lady Cagalli, but then we spent a few days together without hearing anything from the House of Athha. The headaches still continued. It was so bad that Athrun didn't come one day. He called in that afternoon saying that he was just fine.

Sure enough, after a few more days of Athrun being in and out of our vacation I came up with the idea that maybe Shinn was psychically causing Athrun's cranial dysfunction. Yes, I was completely grasping at straws. Shinn hadn't bothered to so much as twitch at anything since seeing that mobile suit test flight, so I let my imagination run away with me. It hadn't been the first time, and I knew full well that it wouldn't be the last.

Having enough of the TV's noise, I cut it off. I was tired, though not any more than usual.

In times like these, I had a number of pre-sleep rituals at my disposal. Some people counted sheep, but I had things that were much better. I could hold Shinn's hand, drape my arm over his chest, run my fingers through his hair. Who needs sheep?

But that night as I lay there kissing his cheek good night, his hand squeezed mine back.

I whispered in his ear, "Goodnight, sweetie. Don't be late for our breakfast date."

As if I'd give him a choice in the matter.

* * *

One day we were finally granted permission to see a few things in Morgenroete. And of course our favorite teenage sovereign was there to greet us. After eying Athrun like a piece of meat and passing a vicious glare toward my sister, she calmly walked up to me and offered a hand.

"Lunamaria wasn't it?" She didn't have to guess. I'm sure Athrun told her who I was.

Still, I thought it best to be polite and confirm my identity. "Just call me Luna. And you might also remember Shinn."

"Yes, I remember." She was a little creeped out by him.

Bending down to check if he was drooling or something I noticed what had attracted Lady Cagalli's attention. Shinn was staring up at her in a cockeyed manner. It was almost a glare. It frightened even me. To avoid a panic, I thought it best to play it off and get on with things. "Shinn will be just fine. Are you going to give us a tour personally?"

Cagalli waved a hand, "No, I just wanted to be here to greet you. Erika Simmons will be your guide. She'll be here in a few moments."

Now, I'd like to think of myself as an observant person. But even if I wasn't I would have been able to read Cagalli's eyes. They plainly said 'I only came here to ogle Athrun and stare down Meyrin.'

Fair enough.

A general several centuries ago had a saying that came to mind. It was about war, but love and war are often equated on many other levels so I felt this might be relevant. 'In war, there is no substitute for victory.' And in this war, Cagalli was prepared to use all the tricks at her disposal.

Cagalli took my second favorite pilot off to have a private chat while the rest of us were greeted by Ms. Simmons. I guess all that political intrigue taught Cagalli how to be sly when necessary. Meyrin couldn't exactly keep Athrun on a leash and be polite to their host at the same time.

I still wonder what ran through Meyrin's mind that first half-hour without Athrun there. Asking never produced any results. I didn't really want to have a discussion with Athrun about it, so I guess I'll never find out.

Shinn didn't so much as glance at the mobile suits we came across. They were all shiny and new. I found them to be quite interesting as a former pilot myself. We even saw the exact same suit that we got an eyeful of last week. Still, I couldn't tell if Shinn was even the slightest bit interested.

"Miss me?" Athrun had used those special forces skills to use in sneaking up on my little sister. He had his arms around her waist from the back. He was even so fast as to kiss the side of her neck before she had time to let out a squeal.

"Athrun! We're in public." Meyrin turned and popped him in the arm. She was smiling, but I knew she was jealous as hell.

Meyrin wasn't going to ask, so I took the liberty of borrowing Athrun for a few moments. "Keep an eye on Shinn for me, would you?"

"Sure," Meyrin sighed. I don't know why she wore the long face again. She could get all the alone time she wanted with him later.

Athrun was probably less pleased than Meyrin with me dragging him off behind a mobile suit leg to get a little privacy.

"Okay. What's up?" I all but demanded it from him. Alright, who am I kidding? I was demanding.

"It was a private conversation," he informed me.

"And do you intend on having these private conversations all the time?" When I get impatient, I tap things. At the moment, it was my foot on the floor. "Look, I want to know what's going on. Meyrin was more than a little upset. I don't care if you run with your tail between your legs to make up with Cagalli, but you damn well better let my sister down easy. I swear, if I . . ."

My little tantrum was interrupted by a scream. It was Meyrin.

I rounded the corner first. Shinn was flat on his back.

"I don't know what happened. He just snapped," Meyrin was trying to tell me.

Later I found out all the details as we were being shown the surveillance video just before we were thrown out of the building. A pilot in full gear walked up to the mobile suit Shinn was in front of. Meyrin didn't know the pilot's identity at the time, as the guy's visor was down and full shades were on.

Shinn calmly stood up while Meyrin was looking the other way. When the pilot came within range, Shinn lunged at his neck. It was all silent and swift. The pilot was knocked back but retaliated with a fist to Shinn's face. That's how he had ended up on his back.

"I can't apologize enough, Athrun. I know this is a huge embarrassment to you." Really, there was nothing else I could say.

"It'll be alright," he said. His voice indicated something more like 'I hope to God it'll be alright but it probably won't.'

"Who was that pilot anyway?" I expected Athrun to answer, but instead it was Meyrin.

"That was Kira."

That was about the time I started to get a really weird vibe about all this. First, Athrun's headaches. Then Shinn's sudden desire to see a suit being piloted but not one in the hangar. Without foreknowledge, Shinn had a sudden urge to strike at an unknown person. Then come to find out it was the person who took away his first love.

"I'll smooth it out with Kira and Cagalli later," Athrun stated. "Don't worry about it."

"If possible, I'd like to apologize to Kira personally." That wasn't entirely true. I just wanted to confront him for Shinn's sake. And maybe find some clue as to a way to help Shinn.

"I'll see what I can do," Athrun promised.

* * *

This favor came through a lot faster than the first. I got to meet the Yamatos the very next day for lunch. I say it plural because there were two.

"Ms. Hawke, I hope you don't mind if my wife joins us." Kira was gentleman enough to stand and shake my hand upon greeting a lady.

Maybe it was his wife's influence as she did the same. "Lacus Yamato." She sure didn't look very pregnant to me. It could have been just a rumor after all.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet the both of you," I lied. "Please call me Luna."

"Then I think we can all agree to be on a first name basis from now on," Kira smiled. "What can I do for you?"

"Has Athrun told you about my situation?"

"Not in detail, but I hear you've been taking care of a friend. I don't see him around, though." Kira glanced around one last time, just in case.

"That's because he's with my sister while we eat. I believe they're shopping a block away." That's what Meyrin had told me she was going to do. "I'd like to apologize for yesterday's events."

"It's alright. I've done enough to make a lot of people want to kill me. These things happen in war, even when nobody's at fault." Kira had a good point there.

"I know, but Shinn has always been one to harbor a grudge. Still, his seeing you fly and then seeing you in person are the only things that have really made a difference in him. I can't recall the last time he just got up and walked." It was probably the early days in the hospital. He was just starting to lose it then and tried to walk out while being treated.

Kira took a calm sip of his water. "I'm sorry to hear that. I'd like to help, but I'm not really sure if it would be best for him. Has he made no progress otherwise?"

"None whatsoever."

Lacus struck me as every bit the prim and proper type. It must have been the proper time to offer a proper interjection. I thought it quite proper of her. "Perhaps if you apologize to Shinn in person," she suggested to her husband.

Kira clearly didn't want to. I could tell by the way his lip and hand twitched. But he acquiesced nonetheless. "Very well. I'll do it right after lunch."

"What will you say?" I just had to know.

"That I'm terribly sorry I had to kill your girlfriend." He said it in such a way as to completely piss me off.

Luckily, Lacus beat me to correcting him. A good thing too, as I would have had to use a more violent method. "Kira, dear. You should be more understanding. Remember how you were in a similar spot two years ago?"

"That was a little different," Kira kindly pointed out. This bit of dirt would be interesting.

"The circumstances were different, but I fail to see how the results are." Lacus was smiling warmly but her eyes were clearly informing Kira that he was in danger of sleeping on the couch for a while.

"She was murdered," Kira decided to inform me. "But I guess you do have a point," he gave a 'Please, no couch' apology smile to his pink-haired companion.

Lunch was fabulous. Kira's treat, of course. So far, I've had to pay for very little on this vacation. And I still got to spend a lot of time with my man. And if I could get Shinn out of his catatonic state, then everything in my world would be perfect.

Until Shinn started being a jerk again. That was something I dreaded.

Meyrin met us at the designated place. "Been waiting long?"

"Nope," she informed me. "We just got here. He's been a perfect little darling for once in his life."

I didn't find Meyrin's joke the least bit funny. "Kira's decided to have a chat with Shinn."

"Alrighty. See you later." Now that she was done babysitting, I guess she was eager to get back to necking with Athrun. No sooner were the words out of her mouth than she waved and walked off.

Lacus asked exactly what was on my mind. "How should we go about this?"

I didn't have the answer, but luckily Kira came through. "I'll just have a private chat with him."

Lacus and I watched as Kira took the wheelchair off about thirty yards or so to a sidewalk bench. Pedestrian traffic was minimal over there. I guess Kira didn't want the world to hear his apology.

For the first time, Lacus clearly had a sad look about her. Being the kindhearted yet nosy person that I am, I asked what it was all about.

"I know that he is madly in love with me, and yet I also know that he thinks of her from time to time. She was his first love and though he insists it would never have worked, the guilt he feels over her death is very powerful. He seems to be over it all now. Still, forcing him to discuss it again may not be the best idea I ever had."

I could really feel for her. I don't know what I'd do if Shinn obsessed over Stellar. "I don't know what to say."

"All I wish is for you to recognize the depths Kira is going to just to do you a favor. Remember this and try to help Shinn learn how to forgive. And how to move on." Lacus continued her sad smile. "But you would have done that without my asking. I can tell that you are a better person than most and that you really care for Shinn. I also believe that he'll be very grateful to you when he regains his health."

Her confidence convinced me, at least for the moment.

The rest of the time we spent in silence. Kira had his hand on Shinn's forearm as he talked. I never did find out what they talked about. Sure, the general idea was laid out in advance but I never got any specifics.

Not that it mattered. This was our turning point.

* * *

I thought things would get easier. Instead, they just got harder. My normal routines were all thrown out of whack. I couldn't leave his side for a second. I couldn't really take my eyes off of him either. More than once he just tried to walk off.

I suppose I was still ecstatic that he was making progress. Occasionally he would say things, but it wouldn't be enough for a conversation. It took another couple of weeks before he would respond to things that I said. He just said things seemingly at random.

And on the morning before our flight home, he said something that made my heart stop. "I love you."

I should have been glad, as every indication was that he was saying it to me. He was looking straight at me, his hand was on mine, little things like that. And yet, I just couldn't quite accept it. Half the things he had said up until then could just as easily have been about Stellar, or even his little sister Mayu.

"Me? You love me?" My question was met with a slight smile, then he looked away.

If we had more time, I could have pressed harder but I thought it best to wait until we got home. And then he said another shocker. "I like it here."

"Do you want to stay? I'm sure the soap opera drama between Athrun, Cagalli and my sister will be just fascinating . . ." I went on and on like that. That's what I was used to doing around him before. It would take some time to break that habit.

I hadn't stopped packing our things yet. It took him placing a hand on mine to really get me to listen.

"Shinn, honey. If you want to stay, just say 'Luna I love you very much and want to stay right here with you forever.'" I know that was asking a lot of him this early, but I wasn't about to change our flight plans for the glimmer of hope he was giving me. We had a home already. It had all our things. We'd have to go back for them eventually.

Turning to look him in the eye, I saw him struggling there in the wheelchair. The eyes could say it but his mouth just wasn't ready.

"Shinn, I need something. Give me anything to let me know that this is real. I could have lived with you being an invalid. I could live with you just like this. But you're getting better every day. I can't live at all if you one day walk out on me. I've invested too much. I love you too much." I took his hands in mine, "Just give me anything."

I cried like a waterfall. Fear of being rejected balanced by the hope of finally gaining true happiness. I could feel the torrent of emotions tearing me apart inside.

And so he lifted my hands and took hold of a very special finger. Left hand, ring finger. It was the lamest proposal I had ever heard of in my entire life but that instant it was incredibly cute.

Unable to remain standing, I sank to my knees and cried on his lap. And he held me.

* * *

Epilogue

And that was about it. It's been a few years since these events and I am now fulfilling my dream of being barefoot and pregnant. Shinn gets on my case about using that phrase, but he hasn't complained a bit about my decision to be a housewife.

He's not as much of a jerk these days. We still fight, just as any normal couple would. We laugh and cry, too. He can hold a better conversation now than we ever had before. There was a war going on then, so I shouldn't have expected much when we first hooked up.

Shinn and Athrun are on speaking terms. Shinn and the twins less so. He still harbors ill feelings, but perhaps in time relations will get better. At least he's at the point now where his dislike doesn't dampen the mood at parties.

And speaking of parties, there's one scheduled just this week. An engagement party. My little sister is finally settling down with the man of her dreams. Too keep you in suspense, I will neglect to mention his name. You could no doubt guess it with little difficulty anyway.

Shinn recently let me in on a secret. He remembers every bit of what happened while he was out of it. I didn't find out until he told me how much he missed his nightly peep show before bed. Well, he started getting it again. That in turn contributed toward my pregnancy. We're having trouble agreeing on names though. It's still early, so we have plenty of time.

With his little secret out, I just had to ask what he went through. How he felt, what he thought about; things of that nature. He thought often of Stellar. I figured as much, but the next part was kind of weird. He said he felt as if her spirit was with him now. He used to have conversations with her in his mind. Maybe he still does. Shinn had every good excuse imaginable for being crazy, so I just let the matter drop. I was pleased to learn that he thought of me and how I took such good care of him. And he also thought of Rey, whose name still gives him the shivers to this very day.

As I bring this to a close, it is getting close to bed time. Shinn will likely want his show. And speaking of beds and related topics, it's probably time I get some sleep. I have to help with wedding plans in the morning.

* * *

**A/N**

Here's to hoping that both Hawke sisters survive the last handful of episodes.

My apologies to all you Athrun/Cagalli fans. Maybe next time.

**Updated 9/11/05**

Some readers have taken issue with certain things; particularly my portrayal of Kira and Cagalli. Well, to be perfectly honest such a portrayal was completely intentional. Luna has been going through a hell of a time and her view of those two would probably be very jaded. Luna likely knows little of Cagalli, and don't you think she would root for her sister to win Athrun? All she knows of Kira is likely from 3rd parties (Athrun or Shinn) and Shinn hates Kira with a passion. Don't you think it likely that Shinn's extreme hatred for both Kira and Cagalli would taint Luna's view of them? I certainly do. Whether or not Luna had any regard for Lacus is debatable, so I left Luna rather neutral toward her.

And you'll notice that Meyrin likes both Kira and Cagalli, even going so far as to ask Luna to keep Shinn under control when he comes to. Still, try to remember that this is all from Luna's point of view.

**End A/N**


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